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Monday the 10th of March, 2008

Are you listening?

Wednesday the 5th of March, 2008

I’m Alive via Celine Dion

Mmmmm ... Mmmmm ...
I get wings to fly
Oh, oh ... I’m alive ... Yeah

When you call on me
When I hear you breathe
I get wings to fly
I feel that I’m alive

When you look at me
I can touch the sky
I know that I’m alive

When you bless the day
I just drift away
All my worries die
I’m glad that I’m alive

You’ve set my heart on fire
Filled me with love
Made me a woman on clouds above

I couldn’t get much higher
My spirit takes flight
‘Cause I am alive

When you call on me
(When you call on me)
When I hear you breathe
(When I hear you breathe)
I get wings to fly
I feel that I’m alive
(I am alive)

When you reach for me
(When you reach for me)
Raising spirits high
God knows that…

That I’ll be the one
Standing by through good and through trying times
And it’s only begun
I can’t wait for the rest of my life

When you call on me
(When you call on me)
When you reach for me
(When you reach for me)
I get wings to fly
I feel that…

When you bless the day
(When you bless, you bless the day)
I just drift away
(I just drift away)
All my worries die
I know that I’m alive

I get wings to fly
God knows that I’m alive

Thursday the 13th of December, 2007

How Far We’ve Come via Matchbox Twenty

I’m waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it’s gone,

The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I
and started staring at the passengers who’re waving goodbye
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

But I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we’ve come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we’re gonna pretend,
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we’ve come

I think it turned ten o’clock but I don’t really know
then I can’t remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn’t stop myself
I started running but there’s no where to run to
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say all goodbyes if you’ve got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
let’s see how far we’ve come (right now)
let’s see how far we’ve come

Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we’re gonna pretend,
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we’ve come

Its gone gone baby its all gone
there is no one on the corner and there’s no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it’s over for me and it’s over for you
well its gone gone baby its all gone
there’s no one on the corner and there’s no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it’s over for me and it’s over for you

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we’ve come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, i guess, we’re gonna pretend,
let’s see how far we’ve come, again
let’s see how far we go
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we go
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we go
let’s see how far we’ve come
let’s see how far we go
let’s see how far we’ve come

Sunday the 7th of October, 2007

Always Remember…

Tribute to Matthew Shepard (Flash File)

My son Matthew did not look like a winner. After all, he was small for his age—weighing, at the most, 110 pounds, and standing only 5’2” tall. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of 13 until the day he died. However, in his all too brief life, he proved that he was a winner. My son—a gentle, caring soul—proved that he was as tough as, if not tougher than, anyone I have ever heard of or known. On October 6, 1998, my son tried to show the world that he could win again. On October 12, 1998, my first-born son—and my hero—lost. On October 12, my first-born son—and my hero— died 50 days before his 22nd birthday. He died quietly, surrounded by family and friends, with his mother and brother holding his hand. All that I have left
now are the memories....

Matt officially died at 12:53 a.m. on Monday, October 12, 1998, in a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of Laramie tied to a fence that Wednesday before, when you beat him. You, Mr. McKinney, with your friend Mr. Henderson, killed my son....

By the end of the beating, his body was just trying to survive. You left him out there by himself, but he wasn’t alone. There were his lifelong friends with him—friends that he had grown up with. You’re probably wondering who these friends were. First, he had the beautiful night sky with the same stars and moon that we used to look at through a telescope. Then, he had the daylight and the sun to shine on him one more time—one more cool, wonderful autumn day in Wyoming. His last day alive in Wyoming. His last day alive in the state that he always proudly called home. And through it all he was breathing in for the last time the smell of Wyoming sagebrush and the scent of pine trees from the snowy range. He heard the wind—the ever-present Wyoming wind—for the last time. He had one more friend with him. One he grew to know through his time in Sunday school and as an acolyte at St. Mark’s in Casper as well as through his visits to St. Matthew’s in Laramie. He had God....

I feel better knowing he wasn’t alone....

Mr. McKinney, one final comment before I sit, and this is the reason that I stand before you now. At no time since Matt was found at the fence and taken to the hospital have Judy and I made any statements about our beliefs concerning the death penalty. We felt that that would be an undue influence on any prospective juror. Judy has been quoted by some right-wing groups as being against the death penalty. It has been stated that Matt was against the death penalty. Both of these statements are wrong. We have held family discussions and talked about the death penalty. Matt believed that there were incidents and crimes that justified the death penalty. For example, he and I discussed the horrible death of James Byrd, Jr. in Jasper, Texas. It was his opinion that the death penalty should be sought and that no expense should be spared to bring those responsible for this murder to justice. Little did we know that the same response would come about involving Matt. I, too, believe in the death penalty. I would like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. However, this is the time to begin the healing process. To show mercy to someone who refused to show any mercy. To use this as the first step in my own closure about losing Matt. Mr. McKinney, I am not doing this because of your family. I am definitely not doing this because of the crass and unwarranted pressures put on by the religious community. If anything, that hardens my resolve to see you die. Mr. McKinney, I’m going to grant you life, as hard as that is for me to do, because of Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, or the Fourth of July, remember that Matt isn’t. Every time that you wake up in that prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night. Every time that you see your cell mate, remember that you had a choice, and now you are living that choice. You robbed me of something very precious, and I will never forgive you for that. Mr. McKinney, I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May you have a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it.

Full Excerpt after the Break.

Scarecrow via Melissa Etheridge

Showers of your crimson blood
Seep into a nation calling up a flood
Of narrow minds who legislate
Thinly veiled intolerance
Bigotry and hate

But they tortured and burned you
They beat you and they tied you
They left you cold and breathing
For love they crucified you

I can’t forget hard as I try
This silhouette against the sky

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering why
Scarecrow trying
Angels will hold carry your soul away

This was our brother
This was our son
This shepherd young and mild
This unassuming one
We all gasp this can’t happen here
We’re all much too civilized
Where can these monsters hide

But they are knocking on our front door
They’re rocking in our cradles
They’re preaching in our churches
And eating at our tables

I search my soul
My heart and in my mind
To try and find forgiveness
This is someone child
With pain unreconciled
Filled up with father’s hate
Mother’s neglect
I can forgive But I will not forget

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering why
Scarecrow trying
Rising above all in the name of love

The rest of the story...

Friday the 6th of July, 2007

Never Again via Kelly Clarkson

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green
I hope when your in bed with her, you think of me
I would never wish bad things, but I don’t wish you well
Could you tell, by the flames that burned your words

I never read your letter
‘Cos I knew what you’d say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all OK

Does it hurt to know I’ll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
And don’t say, you simply lost your way
She may believe you but I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth, she deserves you
A trophy wife, oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes, and he’s through with you
And he’ll be through with you
You’ll die together but alone

You wrote me in a letter
You couldn’t say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt to know I’ll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
And don’t say, you simply lost your way
They may believe you but I never will
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never

Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never

Does it hurt to know I’ll never be there
Bet it sucks, to see my face everywhere
It was you, who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
And don’t say, you simply lost your way
They may believe you but I never will
I never will
I never will

Never again

Remembering Those We’ve Lost: Victims of Hate

Thursday the 5th of July, 2007

I am…

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMT stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am a warrior for my country, serving proud, but can’t be my true self because gays aren’t allowed in the military.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I’m a lesbian because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to “teach me a lesson.” This boy was Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 AM at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. HE WAS KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!!!

Thursday the 19th of April, 2007

i admit

i admit
to suffocating my heart
for the sake of love
of longing for desire

i admit
to suffocating my mind
with the knowledge
that no one knows

i admit
to suffocating my soul
and choking the life
from my limp body

i admit
to suffocating my body
from the world i know
for no purpose

i admit
to suffocating my faith
which left me behind
because i’m different

i admit
to sometimes compromising
what is best for me
by doing what i should not

i admit
to sometimes not admitting
that what i need
i don’t know

i admit
to sometimes forgetting
to tell people
that i do care

i admit
to sometimes misrepresenting
the falsities of life
to those i love

i admit
to sometimes not overlooking
the little things and
ignoring things too large

i admit
to being selfish
because i wanted you
to want me to want you

i admit
to being afraid
of living alone
not knowing someone

i admit
to being careless
with my heart
the few pieces left

i admit
to being stupid
and not admitting
that i can learn new things

i admit
to being arrogant
but sometimes
i am better

i admit
to assuming too much
and knowing too little
of the truth

i admit
to knowing too little
and trusting too openly
those i don’t know

i admit
to trusting too openly
and confessing too often
with my heart wide open

i admit
to confessing too often
and hiding too much
from those who care

i admit
to hiding too much
and i admit
that i do need you

Saturday the 14th of April, 2007

Sweaty-toothed Madman via Todd Anderson (Dead Poets Society)

I close my eyes and this image floats beside me
The sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the time he’s mumbling
Mumbling truth, like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough
Kick at it, beat it, it will never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying,
It will just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.

Friday the 23rd of March, 2007

U and Ur Hand via Pink

Check it out
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
It’s a cock fight
I can tell I just know
That it’s going down
Tonight
At the door we don’t wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That’s when dick head put his hands on me
But you see

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

Midnight I’m drunk
I don’t give a fuck
Wanna dance by myself
Guess you’re outta luck
Don’t touch back up
I’m not the one
Alright
Listen up it’s just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
Aiight

I’m not here for your entertainment
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Break break
Break it down

In the corner with your boys you bet up five bucks
To get at the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn’t get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are
High fivin, talkin shit, but you’re going home alone aren’t cha?

Cause I’m not here for your entertainment
No
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
(Just stop and take a second)
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
(Know it’s over)
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight
(It’s just you and your hand)

I’m not here for your entertainment
No no no
You don’t really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
(Just take a second)
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it’s over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It’s just you and your hand tonight
Yeah oh

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