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Thursday the 12th of October, 2006

Into The Dark… Rememberance.

Tribute to Matthew Shepard (Flash File)

My son Matthew did not look like a winner. After all, he was small for his age—weighing, at the most, 110 pounds, and standing only 5’2” tall. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of 13 until the day he died. However, in his all too brief life, he proved that he was a winner. My son—a gentle, caring soul—proved that he was as tough as, if not tougher than, anyone I have ever heard of or known. On October 6, 1998, my son tried to show the world that he could win again. On October 12, 1998, my first-born son—and my hero—lost. On October 12, my first-born son—and my hero— died 50 days before his 22nd birthday. He died quietly, surrounded by family and friends, with his mother and brother holding his hand. All that I have left
now are the memories....

Matt officially died at 12:53 a.m. on Monday, October 12, 1998, in a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of Laramie tied to a fence that Wednesday before, when you beat him. You, Mr. McKinney, with your friend Mr. Henderson, killed my son....

By the end of the beating, his body was just trying to survive. You left him out there by himself, but he wasn’t alone. There were his lifelong friends with him—friends that he had grown up with. You’re probably wondering who these friends were. First, he had the beautiful night sky with the same stars and moon that we used to look at through a telescope. Then, he had the daylight and the sun to shine on him one more time—one more cool, wonderful autumn day in Wyoming. His last day alive in Wyoming. His last day alive in the state that he always proudly called home. And through it all he was breathing in for the last time the smell of Wyoming sagebrush and the scent of pine trees from the snowy range. He heard the wind—the ever-present Wyoming wind—for the last time. He had one more friend with him. One he grew to know through his time in Sunday school and as an acolyte at St. Mark’s in Casper as well as through his visits to St. Matthew’s in Laramie. He had God....

I feel better knowing he wasn’t alone....

Mr. McKinney, one final comment before I sit, and this is the reason that I stand before you now. At no time since Matt was found at the fence and taken to the hospital have Judy and I made any statements about our beliefs concerning the death penalty. We felt that that would be an undue influence on any prospective juror. Judy has been quoted by some right-wing groups as being against the death penalty. It has been stated that Matt was against the death penalty. Both of these statements are wrong. We have held family discussions and talked about the death penalty. Matt believed that there were incidents and crimes that justified the death penalty. For example, he and I discussed the horrible death of James Byrd, Jr. in Jasper, Texas. It was his opinion that the death penalty should be sought and that no expense should be spared to bring those responsible for this murder to justice. Little did we know that the same response would come about involving Matt. I, too, believe in the death penalty. I would like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. However, this is the time to begin the healing process. To show mercy to someone who refused to show any mercy. To use this as the first step in my own closure about losing Matt. Mr. McKinney, I am not doing this because of your family. I am definitely not doing this because of the crass and unwarranted pressures put on by the religious community. If anything, that hardens my resolve to see you die. Mr. McKinney, I’m going to grant you life, as hard as that is for me to do, because of Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, or the Fourth of July, remember that Matt isn’t. Every time that you wake up in that prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night. Every time that you see your cell mate, remember that you had a choice, and now you are living that choice. You robbed me of something very precious, and I will never forgive you for that. Mr. McKinney, I give you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May you have a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it.

Full Excerpt after the Break.

Scarecrow via Melissa Etheridge

Showers of your crimson blood
Seep into a nation calling up a flood
Of narrow minds who legislate
Thinly veiled intolerance
Bigotry and hate

But they tortured and burned you
They beat you and they tied you
They left you cold and breathing
For love they crucified you

I can’t forget hard as I try
This silhouette against the sky

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering why
Scarecrow trying
Angels will hold carry your soul away

This was our brother
This was our son
This shepherd young and mild
This unassuming one
We all gasp this can’t happen here
We’re all much too civilized
Where can these monsters hide

But they are knocking on our front door
They’re rocking in our cradles
They’re preaching in our churches
And eating at our tables

I search my soul
My heart and in my mind
To try and find forgiveness
This is someone child
With pain unreconciled
Filled up with father’s hate
Mother’s neglect
I can forgive But I will not forget

Scarecrow crying
Waiting to die wondering why
Scarecrow trying
Rising above all in the name of love

The rest of the story...

Wednesday the 22nd of October, 2003

Interesting Artist

I’ve run across a new artist/friend a couple days ago.  (And no, I’m not posting this because you made a comment.  I’m posting because I want to.) Anyway, I’ve seen several of his pieces - mainly photographic in nature - and I’m very impressed so far.  I wish I had an eye for photography the way he does.  I’m awaiting the opportunity to view more very patiently.  Something about he’s busy working on several pieces for classes or something.  He’s graciously let me post a couple of them for your viewing pleasure.  These are two of the ones I’ve found most interesting thus far.  The simplistic look of them in the nature setting is just so awesome to me.  Enjoy.  (And please do not copy or steal these images without the original artists permission.  Contact me for more info.)

.: The Poet :.

Sunday the 19th of October, 2003

People of the World

You know… I’ve been thinking more and more lately about people and friends in general.  I’m getting so jaded by the way friends of mine have been acting.  I ran into a friend out a week ago this past Friday and she said “Hey there, haven’t heard from you in a while.  How have you been?” I thought to myself, “Well, you could call me and find out couldn’t you?”

I don’t know.  It’s like everyone just assumes that I’m the only person that can use a phone.  I mean damn, can’t you pick up a phone and make a phone call if you’ve been thinking about someone.  I don’t know.  Maybe I am nothing but a whiney, picky baby when it comes to friends.  Maybe I look too deeply into things sometimes.

I just want to find a few good friends to talk with, hang out, go to dinner and get to know.  I’m not even so much interested in meeting friends for possible dates anymore.  I think dating is over rated.  Period.  I want to find someone to become best friends with over time and just let things happen as they may.  In the back of my mind, I’ve always seen myself falling in love with my best friend.  The only thing missing from the picture has been the best friend.

I don’t know.  I’m not going to rant and rave any more though.  I’ll save that energy for another day and maybe channel it into some writings.  I haven’t written in months and I truly miss writing now.

I’ve been making notes to myself about ideas I’ve had for writing.  The weather’s been changing and it’s been nice to go out to the parks and just sit around.  I need to do that.  Time for me, myself and I.  We need some time together.  All together alone.

.: The Poet :.

Wednesday the 17th of September, 2003

Isn’t it funny

It’s funny how some people just assume something said is about them.  I mean really… the world doesn’t revolve around you and none of the previous post really had anything to do with you.  So get off whatever high horse you’ve stepped up on and get over it.

As I stated before, that post was not directed to any one person in general and even further, not at you.  As for acting immature, I don’t think so.  I’m simply venting about my feelings and emotions towards people in my life.  If you think you’re so important to me that you believe that post was about you, you’re sorely mistaken.

.: The Poet :.

What to say….

One thing that’s beginning to get on my nerves more than anything in the world lately....  Friends.  I don’t know what it is with people these days.  I’ve recently let one good friend back into my life a little so to speak after spending the last 8 months or so with no contact what-so-ever.  She hasn’t changed.  The only times I’ve seen her or talked to her is when I’ve made the effort.  I have to call her at work to talk to her.  I have to go by her work to see her.  She never just surprises me and pops in at my office and that pisses me off.  She says she is “Too Busy”.  Whatever.  You’re not too busy to have plans every night of the week after work but yet you’re too busy to stop by my office for 5 minutes and say hello.  Ok.  Whatever.

And on another note with other friends.  I’m tired of attempting to be a friend some times.  It’s so stressful just being someones friend.  I mean for God’s sake why do people make it so hard on other people to be their friend.  It’s a sad thing when someone who is suppposed to care about you and your life feels like they serve no purpose.  And before anyone goes off sulking about this post or getting pissy, it’s not directed towards any one person.  It’s actually directed towards a lot of people some of which don’t even know about this site and will never see the post.  As I’ve been told before, “This is my place to vent” and I’m venting damnit.

I could go on a while longer about supposed friends and such but I really don’t see the point.  This post won’t change anything.  My actions don’t seem to change anything.  So why in the hell worry about it.

I’ve done it before recently with just disappearing from known life online except for updating my site and I’m getting close to doing it again.  I wonder how many people would actually take notice to me not being online with Yahoo and AIM on a regular basis.  Well hell, what am I talking about.  I’m not on Yahoo now on a regular basis and I’ve got one friend there who I messaged the other day and his response was “Where have you been?  Haven’t seen you around.” I ask him, “Well, did you think to call me?” He sat there and didn’t say a word.  I mean really, if you care about someone and you wonder where they are and how they’re doing....  Give them a freaking call sometime.  Let them know you care.

OK.  I’m done with this post for now.  I’ve ranted enough.  I hope someones life out there in this life less ordinary is better than the one I lead.

.: The Poet :.

Monday the 25th of August, 2003

To a great evening

Well, I met the intriguing Blake for the first time Saturday.  We met up for dinner where we got the chance to talk and whatnot.

After that, we ventured to Samford for the grand tour (and to walk off dinner).  We then visited the bookstore at Brookwood Village and Marble Slab.  (I love Marble Slab.  Best Damn Ice Cream Award.)

And finally, capped the evening off with driving around Birmingham for a while.  Went venturing through the Highland Avenue area and Mountain Brook.  I look forward to hanging out again soon.  Great fun was had by all.

.: The Poet :.

Sunday the 29th of June, 2003

So I heard from an old friend today…

Much to my surprise, I heard from an old friend today.  Well, actually, I should say an old friend left me a message.  I haven’t spoken to him in several months.  I guess we both just got to busy.

Hopefully we can get back in touch soon.

.: The Poet :.

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