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Tuesday the 28th of February, 2006

A man escapes from prison…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

The rest of the story...

Posted by rtkenmore at 01:17 PM on the 28th of February, 2006.
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Sunday the 1st of January, 2006

What is Letting Go?

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more.

Posted by rtkenmore at 01:08 PM on the 1st of January, 2006.
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Friday the 17th of June, 2005

Ethics Test

This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.  Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer . . . somehow the man looks familiar.  You suddenly realize who it is. It’s George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.

You have two options--you can save the life of G.W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.

So here’s the question, and please give an honest answer:

The rest of the story...

Posted by rtkenmore at 02:35 PM on the 17th of June, 2005.
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Monday the 25th of October, 2004

Rocky Horror Time

It’s that time of year again.  The never ending showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show.  My roommate and I are planning a Hallloween Party/Rocky Horror show at the house.  This should be great fun.  We’re going to set up a projector out back and watch it on a white sheet with full participation.  We’re preparing “Participation Bags” so all anyone has to do is show up with their adult beverage of choice.

If you’re a regular around here and would actually be interested in showing up, send me an e-mail.  We’re planning the party from 8ish until on Saturday the 30th.  We’ll have snacks, order some pizzas (welcome to contribute some for this) and punch.  Bring you’re own beverage of choice and we’ll have coolers with ice.

Anyway, just wanted to pass along the interesting information.  We’re looking to have a great time.

R

Posted by rtkenmore at 09:34 PM on the 25th of October, 2004.
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Tuesday the 12th of October, 2004

Meetup.com

I encourage you to join any of the groups that suit you or to find another at Meetup.com that may be of interest.  It’s a great way to meet new friends and explore new possibilities and ideas.

Posted by rtkenmore at 11:42 PM on the 12th of October, 2004.
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Thursday the 7th of October, 2004

Yeah, that’s right

Guess who just got a g-mail account??  Can’t guess.  One clue… He’s a poet.  Yep, I did.  I’m officially rtkenmore(at)gmail(dot)com

Obviously you have to replace the (at) with @ and the (dot) with . but you get the idea.  I don’t want every spam crawler in the world to find that e-mail address.  Which I’ll probably regret posting it here but oh well.  What’s done is done.

When (and if) I get invites to hand out, here will be the first place to find them.  I’ll pass them out on a first come first served basis.  I think that’s only fair.

Posted by rtkenmore at 11:24 PM on the 7th of October, 2004.
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Monday the 3rd of May, 2004

100 Reasons to be Gay

In celebration of the mirth it caused we thought we’d share it with you all.

Aren’t we kind? If you’re on a random joke list then you might have seen it before, but the oldies are always the best (unless you’re lucky enough to pull some young chicken) and we say share and share alike (unless its an STD).

So, here are 100 reasons to be gay. How many can you own up too?

1. You truly don’t care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
3. You can call anyone “honey” including pets.
4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have “been there, done that”.
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
11. You’re the only type of male who gets to say “fabulous”.
12. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
13. You can have naked men you don’t know in your home.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
16. You understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
18. You know that the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff.
19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
20. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
22. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
23. You’ve always got an opinion.
24. You’ve read the book, seen the movie and done the musical.
25. You know how to dress strategically.
26. Your car has an amusing female name.
27. You’re the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
28. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
31. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult.
32. There’s a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed...unless you tell them what to tell you.
34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
35. You have at least one movie musical on DVD.
36. You’re not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
37. You’re embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
40. You know when to make an exit.
41. You worry about people you don’t even know - like Liza Minnelli.
42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
43. You know how to program your VCR.
44. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
45. You have a cologne display worthy of Selfridges.
46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
48. You know when to play dumb.
49. You know what to do for a hangover.
50. Yes, you do have a condom.
51. You’ve called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl nor a friend.
52. One or more of the following apply to you:
a) You adore Judy Garland.
b) You hate Judy Garland.
c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
e) You don’t give a damn about Judy Garland.
f) Who is Judy Garland?
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
54. You made Donna Summer a star.
55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
57. You’ve made sunbathing a performance art.
58. You know when the party’s over.
59. You know where to go after the party’s over.
60. You’re fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
61. When you hear “a stitch in time saves nine” you think of
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your “roommate”.
64. You know that referring to someone as “a real lady” isn’t necessarily a compliment.
65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear it’s a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear it’s a lesbian.
68. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like “Stand by your man”.
69. You’ve been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
70. You’ll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
72. You have a favorite Disney character and it’s usually a nasty one.
73. You’ve left someone totally speechless.
74. You’ve shaved something other than your face.
75. All your friends do not have to “get along”.
76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
79. You’ve got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
80. You’ve got the most interesting coffee table books.
81. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain’t in your kitchen drawer.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life you’ve envisioned having back-up girls.
84. You know your enemies.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he’s right there in the shower.
86 You’re Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan.
87. You know that Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes you’ve added side dishes.
89. You know that “small talk” can be about spirituality or politics, and “important issues” can be about hair.
90. You’ve actually lived out some of your fantasies.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme’s song.
97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
98. Even if you’re in Kansas, you’re not in Kansas anymore.
99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.

Posted by rtkenmore at 10:13 PM on the 3rd of May, 2004.
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Monday the 12th of April, 2004

RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.  I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant.  I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.  I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.  I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on
a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.  That everyone is honest and good.  I want to believe that anything is possible.  I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.  I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So… here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.  I am officially resigning from adulthood.  And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause....

“Tag! You’re it.”

Pass this to someone and brighten their day by helping them remember the Simple things in Life.

Posted by rtkenmore at 05:09 PM on the 12th of April, 2004.
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Friday the 17th of October, 2003

An interesting story on the net…

A true story.  A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students.  It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?  Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass.  So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?  I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.  Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

Posted by rtkenmore at 11:30 PM on the 17th of October, 2003.
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Monday the 8th of September, 2003

And on another note.

I gave myself an early Christmas present with purchasing what was referred to in an earlier post a day or two ago.

If you were putting that on your list of things to buy me, don’t worry about it.  I took care of it myself today.  Saved 15% online and then another 2% with my preferred account.  Cheapest I’ve seen it priced over the last 3 months so I think I did pretty good.

We’ll see.  I may have it by this weekend.  I hope so.  That will give me something to do and entertain myself this weekend.

.: The Poet :.

Posted by rtkenmore at 08:18 PM on the 8th of September, 2003.
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