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Thursday the 1st of June, 2006

The Now and Present

I’ve known for a while now that the feelings were coming back; I’ve felt this deep, down hunger for something more.  I’ve grown more and more empty over the last couple of months.  Today, the empty feeling set in with its full force.  I can’t help but feel alone again.  I haven’t felt alone in a very long time.  But I do now…

If you’re reading this, then you can see that I’ve written for the first time in over a year and a half.  I’ve started writing more but my mind is racing to fast to put into words what I am thinking.  I can’t concentrate on any one thing as my mind is wondering ablaze.  I thought the therapy was truly helping over the last 6 months but now I realize that it was simply helping to suppress this longer.  I can’t suppress it any longer now.

I hurt.  I hurt more than anyone thinks and I can’t describe the pain in words.  After a phone call today, I simply sat down and cried.  Me crying isn’t abnormal in itself; I’m a very emotional person to begin with.  Me simply breaking down in tears with no apparent reason however has become abnormal.  The last time I remember simply crying for no reason was at least 4 or 5 years ago.  I guess you really can only hide from the truth for so long before it finds you again.

My truth has finally found me…

Posted by rtkenmore at 01:05 AM on the 1st of June, 2006.
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