1996

what the fuck is wrong with me
what’s in my fucking head
someone fucked with me
fucked me over
and over again
i need some help
some fucking help
someone who’ll be there
who won’t fuck with me
i should’ve done it already
finished it off
i fucked up though
i didn’t
i didn’t fucking do it
fuck
i had my chance
my many chances
i just didn’t take it
i don’t know why
i guess because i fucked up
the time will come
when it will happen
i am certain it will
i will do it eventually
no one can stop me
stop me from fucking up
one last time
it’s over…

depressed is how i feel
every waking moment of time
please help me
relieve this stress
everyone causes
soon it will happen
stress leads to suicide
everyone will know
depressed souls won’t survive

i want to die
to kill myself
i have no reason to live
nothing to live for
everything is gone
why must i suffer anymore
just shoot me
put me out of my misery

would you please?

give me a reason
a reason to live
something to live for
i don’t like this world
this fucked up place
it drives me insane
i can’t face the truth
the reality of what i am
i am nothing
a loser at most
i have no reason
no reason to live
maybe you can find one
just one
one simple reason
something to live for
something for me

confused and running
running from a dream
a dream of what
i don’t know
an altered world
a different being
a separate space
i wonder what’s happening
who’s doing what and where
this altered world
is a screwed up place
it makes me confused
wondering what’s going on
i’m becoming enraged
with fear and anger
i don’t know what’s happening
the thoughts
they confuse me
the actions
they confuse me
the words
they confuse me
everything confuses me
confuses the hell out of me
i don’t like what’s going on
what’s happening
i don’t like this world
this altered ego
this different being
be yourself
that’s what everyone says
be yourself
in this world
i don’t think so
you become hated
betrayed
people turn on you
like they have already done to me
things change
attitudes change
people become confused
more confused than already
i don’t like my life
it’s never been an easy one
the thoughts
they confuse me
the actions
they confuse me
the words
they confuse me
the people
they confuse me
everything confuses me
confuses the hell out of me
i wonder why so many people
have a problem with me
dislike me
their attitudes confuse me
but they don’t care
i’m one fucked up person
confused all the way to hell and back
why do things happen
especially bad things
the thoughts again
yeah you know
the thoughts
they confuse me
they like me
they don’t
they like me
they don’t
someone help me
please someone
i need help
or am i confused about that to
i wish there was a rewind
so i could start over
or eject so i can give up
anything would help
anything at all
i’m an idiot
a stupid one at that
i don’t know what’s going on
i’m confused remember
confused to hell and back
the thoughts again
damn those thoughts
they confuse me
thoughts of this
thoughts of that
they all confuse me
this and that
i wish i could
get them out of my head
gone forever
eject them
i’m too confused to even do that
too even quit thinking at all
i don’t know what’s happening
what’s going on
who’s doing what and where
this altered world
is a screwed of place
i have become enraged
with fear and anger
the thoughts
they confuse me
the actions
they confuse me
the words
they confuse me
the people
they confuse me
the attitudes
they confuse me
everything confuses me
confuses the hell out of me

after it ended
for it was hell
till we took over
ended it all together
rage and horror was gone

shape us up again
help us
overcome what consumed us
calm down
keep thinking

earth is shaking
a rise of something
rage and horror consume us
time is running out
hell has begun
quiet
under us
a trembling force
keeping us awake
earthquake

going
on in this world
is nothing for me
not anymore
go away is what everyone says

confused
hell ridden world
a place with no escape
other ways are sought
suicidal ways